I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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