Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
