i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
