Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
