I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
