Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
