Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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