Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
