So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
