remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
