I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
