you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
