Tell her she can't have a vagina
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
