I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
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successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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