Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
