definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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