I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
