i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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