I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
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I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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