My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Non-Jews are for practice
i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
