Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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