Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
