he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
