I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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