So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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