Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
