don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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