I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
