Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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