Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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