watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
