He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
