dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
