i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
