my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
