remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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