We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
