I hate your face
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
