Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
