He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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