i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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