i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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