i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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