I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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