My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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