When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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