Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
