Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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