Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
