oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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