ugly people sure do ruin things
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
