He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
