ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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