My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
