How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
