Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
