wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
