if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
