no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
