i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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