and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
