Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I love having hate sex.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
