At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
