I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
