This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
