i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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