i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
