You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
