i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
