I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
