the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.