She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
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I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......