Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
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I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
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I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.