Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My dick has a subreddit
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
