You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?