yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dating After Heartbreak
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.