I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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