I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
