Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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